A.P.B. Bud Man - a.k.a - Larry Huggabere

All Points Bulletin

The picture above shows the super hero formerly, and as far as we are concerned still referred to as "Bud Man." A little known, but iconic face of the Budweiser brand beer in the late 1970s and 80s. Bud Man hasn't been seen or heard from since the debut of the Bud Bowel (oops, I mean Bowl).

Why are we worried about a super hero the size of a beer bottle?

Bud Man left behind a family of 11 to carry on his name. A known habitual gambler and master of eluding highway patrol checkpoints, Bud Man's family fears the worst has happened. The strain of marriage and the ungodly amounts of beechwood aged best were taking toll on Bud Man shortly before the end of his tenure as mascot for the King of Beers. Our reporters have found evidence stating utter proof that Bud Man's hiatus was unplanned and forced for that matter by his employers.

Reporter: Bud Man, you have had a long run at this mascot thing. We can only expect your life to grow from all of the fame you have garnered being one of America's funnest spokespeople.

Bud Man: Listen, being a hallucinating, drunk, buffoon doesn't qualify me as being famous. I have a wife and ten children that require long hours of supervision that I just can't handle alone. I guess I have to thank you for your compliment, but bottom line, this shit is tiresome.

Reporter: Define tiresome for me. I'd like to know what goes into your day.

Bud Man: Well for starters, I'm not a fucking dictionary, go look up the definition yourself. You probably should have come to this interview better prepared. Look, I'm sorry for being a dick, but all I do is drink beer. That is it. If I want to stop, there is some whiny executive that tells me "America doesn't sleep, drink up." Every picture you have ever seen of me, I am either drinking or flying to someplace undefined. Every beer drinker in America assumes that I'm flying to get more beer. After all, I won't save the day unless I find that beer.

Reporter: We know you fly, but what other super powers do you have?

Bud Man: What kind of interview is this jackass? I fly, I drink, that is about it. I wish my liver could gain life but not yet. Word has it AB is trying to develop that, but the assholes will probably make me pay for it.

What we saw in that interview was a desperate man. That or a lush. Personally, after very little research, I've deducted my own opinion on the whereabouts of Bud Man. Maybe the pressure of all the heavy drinking and that stupid unitard did get to the Mr. Bud Man. My guess, he skipped whatever 12 pack town he was in to finally squeeze one off with himself or better yet another woman. I'll be the first to declare that Budweiser isn't as good to me as it once was, possibly, he found a liking for something else. Maybe Heineken, or god forbid Lowenbrau. Wherever he may be, he will be most proud to know that his status was somewhat overtaken by a freaking bull terrier dog that was caught surfing, wearing those ridiculous Hawaiian shirts and for fucks sake, signing the Declaration of Independence.

The Declaration of what, who cares a good time was had by all. Or so it seems.

It could be that Bud Man has been confused with other (semi) normal people from our American past and present. It is doubtful; real fucking doubtful, so I'm sticking with the whole He Left his Wife and is Now Paying for Sex deal.

Me? No, not you dickhole.

Yeah, that effing guy.

Finally, I am not going to enable the jerk off or anything, but any ad campaign that depicts someone that is understood to have consumed and for all that we know is still consuming heavy amounts of alcohol driving an effing car, needs to be out of a job. Budweiser figured this out and started bankrolling on things like bull terriers and frogs that could supposedly talk. You know, innocent things that CAN'T drive or injure another human being after consuming large amounts of alcohol.

You tell me that suit wouldn't cause him to get pulled over on its own.

If you have spotted this twerp, please don't call America's Most Wanted. John Walsh doesn't have the manpower or sympathy to care for a washed up cartoon spokesperson. Out there, someone does. If you care where this guy is, please alert...Well, I guess just e-mail me and let me know. I guess no one really cares. Sorry.

H.Stafford

P.S. I thought the public would enjoy some of the heartwarming images I found when I searched for Spuds McKenzie. Awe at the sheer stupidity of these while keeping in mind that they were found when I typed the name Spuds Motherfucking McKenzie. Enjoy.

Ok, Eric Straton, Rush Chairman was a cool match

This one however, was not.

Is is just me, or is that guy having a sit-down dinner with an effing pig?

Wink Martindale will be buried with a game card attached to his hand


I've got nothing.