Tragedy in Chimpland

What nice teeth you have Travis. How about some Cherry Pie?

Travis the chimp, in the picture above, went on a brutal rampage aimed at, Charla Nash, a friend of his owner, Sandra Herold on Monday, February 16th.
Honestly, there are more pictures of freaking chimps on this website than that of normal people, but I happen to think that our distant cousins are best shown dressed up and doing perfectly normal things.
Anyhow, Travis had starred in many commercials and could frequently be see riding in his owner's tow truck in Stamford, Connecticut.

Something like this picture here

Travis was a well mannered chimp and pretty old to boot. He had never attacked anyone else, nor shown any reasons for his aggressions on Monday. Aside from an escape attempt in 2003, and a not-so-worrisome case of fucking Lyme Disease, he was very similar to a dog, cat, or the Herold's son. The owner's friend was last listed in critical condition at the local Stamford hospital. We can all pray that she makes a full recovery only to be reminded that she had her ass handed to her by a chimp.

As reported on MSNBC, the story tells of an almost comical scene in which during the attack, Travis' owner, Sandra Herold, stabbed the chimp multiple times and used a shovel to calm him down enough for her friend to receive medical attention. When this obviously had no affect on Travis, other than to drive him into hiding, police were called in to form a barricade around the now bloody victim, so paramedics could get to her. When the enthralled Travis found out, he quote/unquote "lost his shit." His advances forced the officers to retreat to their cars for safety.

As if Travis were finished, he opened one of the car doors in what can only be guesstimated as a pitiful attempt at impersonating Clyde (firmly in Clint Eastwood's arms below), and gave the officer no choice other than to pump the primate full of lead. Travis' blood trail was followed back to the house where his 200 lb body was found in his monkey abode.

After researching the story a little further, Travis was given a Xanax anti-depressant diluted in a cup of tea shortly before his rampage therefore setting up Mrs. Herold for multiple lawsuits. Police did not know if the chimp was prescribed the medication or if Herold took it upon herself to drug the primate.

Richard Conklin, Stamford police Capt. was quoted as saying, "He's been raised almost like a child by this family. He rides in a car every day, he opens doors, he's a very unique animal in that aspect. We have no indication of what provoked this behavior at all." I'm sure the Xanax had nothing to do with it. Maybe the tea, but not the Xanax.

If we all needed further proof that Travis and for that matter all chimps are animals and not people, ehm, wild fucking animals. One of my favorite websites, Cracked.com posted an article that all but predicted Travis' behavior.

If you think that was strange, how about this:

"According to the Stamford Advocate newspaper, police have dealt with the chimp in the past. In 2003, he escaped from his owner's car in downtown Stamford for two hours. Officers used cookies, macadamia treats, and ice cream in an attempt to lure him. He was only subdued after he became too tired to resist."

"At the time of the 2003 incident, police said the Herolds told them that Travis was toilet trained, dressed himself, took his own bath, ate at the table and drank wine from a stemmed glass on occasions. He also brushed his teeth with a Water Pik, logged onto the computer to look at pictures and watched television using the remote control."

Come the hell on, an effing Water Pik?? Okay, look at the picture at the top and notice those pearly white teeth, but did they honestly expect the endorsements to come flying in after that one?

H.Staff