I Don't Suppose She Loved His Nuts

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Vince, otherwise known as, the Sham Wow baffoon. Honestly, who the fuck am I kidding here? Everyone knows this guy. In a short time, he has become a infomercial celebrity. If it is not the ShamWow, it's that uber-retarded Slap Chop, where he sneaks in the phrase, "You'll love my nuts." What a douche.

Well, almost a celebrity at least. Mr. ShamWow, his full name is Vince Shlomi; has been making some news in other ways these days. Mr. Shlomi, in all his glamour, felt he needed to get his rocks off during a recent stay in the swanky South Beach area of Miami. Who better to perform such a dounting task than a hooker, and an expensive one at that. The entire story, courtesty of The Smoking Gun, can be found here, but in reality, it probably went a little more like this:

Shlomi: "I need a good lay, are you free tonight?"
Disclaimer: I've never propositioned a whore, so I have no clue what I would say to a lady that looks like she might be one. I can only assume that something like the above would be said. Well, that and considering the nature of the business, best to get right to the point. Time is money.

Whore: "Well, I do have somewhere to be, but maybe for money. How much do you have?"

Shlomi: "I've got this: You'll Love My Nuts!"

Whore: "I don't know, how about a $1,000? I love you."

Shlomi: "I know, let's go get a room."

Apparently, that line picks em' up with a quickness. As the couple sneak away to do God knows what, Vince, being the nice guy that he is, opens the door to his hotel room and lets his who-er go in first. Over the bed, the sign below is stuck on the wall with thumb tacks.

After paying special attention to the comparison of a hooker and a vacuum, she proceeds to kiss Shlomi, in tongue fashion, but instead of waggling her tongue around his, the tramp bites his and according to Shlomi, would not let go. On a side note, I really didn't think whores kissed, after all they think the sex doesn't mean anything, kind of like a porn actress. Anyhow, Shlomi clocked the gutter slut with a series of "love taps", closed fist I presume. Oh yeah, her name was Sasha Harris, not that it matters, she is a whore. Afterwards, she looked like this:

Yeah, it wasn't what I was thinking when the report said he paid about $1000 for her services. Even though she once looked like this:

I'd say Vince cleaned house like the dirtbag we all knew he was. But...Not so fast. Looks like his mistress can hold her own.


Those wounds look pretty dry. I'm almost positive they used a ShamWow to mop up the blood.

Ok, we all get the just of what happened to this guy. Seriously though, he labels his job as "Marketing." Do you call this photo marketing? I sure as fuck's sake don't.

Vince, after the Internet gets through with you, you should be a shell of what you once were. So, I guess what I'm saying is that you will be a shell of a douchebag. Go figure.

By the way it is raining right now, I might need some ShamWows for myself. To save V-Town

Don't be suprised to see this picture on Facebook somewhere. Probably my profile

Not really

I have always thought that fucker looked like a spoof of Johnny Knoxville