So, We Can Go To Cuba Now?

I'll think about it. Let me get back to you

The picture above shows journalist Helen Thomas. She has been a correspondent for various news media outlets covering the White House for the past 57 years. In case you were curious, that is every administration since John F. Kennedy. A virtual icon during White House press briefings, she has been a fixture on the front row of these briefings and is noted for asking the first question and ending with "Thank You, Mr. President."


Labeled the "Sitting Buddha", Thomas was born in Winchester, Kentucky to Lebanese immigrants. She obtained her bachelor's degree in 1942 from Wayne (State) University in Detroit, Michigan. A notable author of four books, she is a stiff proponent of a free and active press to police the government.


Thomas has long been known as a hard-nosed journalist and has frequently been omitted when past presidents have taken questions. Most noted was President George W. Bush. He had Thomas moved from the front row to the back of the room. Probably from the difficulty of W.'s reasoning and cognition skills. When asked about the move, Thomas responded that, "It amuses me, but...He's an asshole." Ok, not really, but I thought it would fit. After neglecting to call or recognize Thomas for three years, on March 21, 2006, in what can only be described as a momentary brain lapse, Bush called Thomas and this was her question:


"I'd like to ask you, Mr. President, your decision to invade Iraq has caused the deaths of thousands of Americans and Iraqis, wounds of Americans and Iraqis for a lifetime. Every reason given, publicly at least, has turned out not to be true. My question is: Why did you really want to go to war? From the moment you stepped into the White House, from your Cabinet—your Cabinet officers, intelligence people, and so forth—what was your real reason? You have said it wasn't oil—quest for oil, it hasn't been Israel, or anything else. What was it?"


Bush's marble-mouthed response was that he was hunting down terrorist, smoking them out and it was Saddam Hussien that chose not to let weapons inspectors investigate Iraq.


Sometime later, when President Bush was cleaning out the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office, this picture was found, proving that President Bush willingly knows how to use Photoshop.

Bush, you wity bastard

She was quoted as saying, "I'm covering the worst president in History," about W. Further cementing her love for the entire Bush Administration, she later was quoted, saying, "The day Dick Cheney is going to run for president, I'll kill myself. All we need is another liar..."



In response to her questions on nuclear weapons, terrorism and her love for political cartoons, this picture was released depicting Thomas herself as a terrorist.

I would imagine she wasn't amused by this

I was offended at my own self for not knowing who she was. Not because of her staunch hatred for Bush, but for her position on the active and free media. I had no clue who she was until last night when I crawled in the bed with a horrible sinus headache and somehow flipped the television to C-SPAN and there she sat. On the front row, she was asking questions to Dan Restrepo on the issue of the United States dropping some of the sanctions against Cuba. Part of Restrepo's brief was in Spanish and I assumed that she was invited there as an honor because she looked like she might have been of Cuban descent. For those of you that don't know who Dan Restrepo is, let me tell you his effing title: Special Assistant to the President and Senior Director for Western Hemisphere Affairs. Try putting that on a name tag.

The Reason for the Lift of Sanctions Against Cuba...

Cigars. Least we forget that our dear President Obama likes to partake in the stimulant nicotine. Better known as cigarettes. Besides firming up our relations with Cuba since the Cuban Missle Crisis, the novelty that everyone else can get except us are those damned cigars.

I remember on my high school senior cruise, we could get authentic Cuban cigars from the port in Nassau, Bahama. We were forewarned that the customs agents would quickly snatch them up should we try to smuggle them into the U.S. I didn't bother because I valued the fact that I had never been through a body cavity search. I wanted to keep it a record that still stands today.

Since we were knuckled fucked by the long arm of the government, and well, this guy enjoyed smoking them daily...

I really don't know what a Cuban cigar brings to the table that one of our own tobacco leaves don't. Maybe they are sweeter and don't give you breath that smells of fuming mule ass. I don't know. I would like to try one, legally of course.


Honestly, I don't even know that these sanctions that are lifted will allow cigars into the U.S. Probably not. If they do, I can't say for certain that they would even be as big a hit as they are now. You know, I wonder if they would be a novelty if we all could get them? Who knows. I would imagine that the aficianados are licking their chops to get a steady supply of cigars. I know we have a former president that enjoyed them.


On Another Note

Oh yeah, the Somali pirates were shot and Captain Phillips was saved without harm. The Somalis vowed revenge for the murder of their brethren. I say, who gives a fuck. I say we pull a smoking mirror on them and do like the old train robberies of the wild west.


Plan A

-Find a large ship with plenty of cargo space.
-Send a transmission that would be easily decoded by Somalis that requests information on shipping routes that are safe and out of pirate range.
-Load the ship with massive amounts of explosives and have an auto-pilot steer the boat into dangerous waters
-The large calvary of pirates that would be looking for the ship would board the vessel and...
-Abracadabra, Instant artificial reef, complete with preblended fish food (the pirates)

-or-

Plan B

-Stop the food and aide sent to that coast of Africa. If they don't want our service, don't bother.

-or-

Plan C


-Take a joy ride along the Somali Coast dropping a line of underwater explosives to act as a barrier. Those that want to get out can choose to do so, and meet their makers. The ones that were out at sea during the planting of the explosives, can get in and end up like their friends and relatives that have been dispatched.

-or-

Plan D (My Favorite)

-Hire Kevin Costner from Waterworld to take care of those blasted smokers, I mean pirates.

What a bad ass

H. Staff