Happy Days Await You Graduates

Congratulations Graduates

It is now the month of May and a time when those of us that completed college (high school doesn't count right now), get to walk across that stage in a beer-basted smile and take a rolled up piece of paper that is a degree. Only to find disappointment once again, the graduate realizes that the rolled up piece of paper is not even the actual degree. They just say something generic and trite like, "Congratulations Graduate" or something of the sort. (See Above.) Life sucks every now and again, and it pretty much starts here.

We had a couple of friends of ours that graduated this year. Actually, they are a husband and wife team that we can only wish the best for. So, Carpe Diem you sons of bitches.

Kellie

Degree: Masters of Business Administration with Emphasis in Copolymer Moisture Control with a Vocational Seal in Silicone Construction.

Congratulations Kellie, you already have a great job and if you were to ever have to resign, you know that Johnson & Johnson would be waiting to snap you up.
You are probably the only person that has that special emphasis in Moisture Control and you know how badly the market needs good band aids that resist water and moisture. Go for broke!
Oh yeah, the silicone construction thing could be of use too.

Nick

Degree: Business Management with an Emphasis in Tax Evasion, er, Accounting

Nick, you have gone through a lot to get to this point, and from our talks, you'll go through a lot more. We hope you enjoyed your time at school and when you pass your CPA exam, we'll be your first clients.

Good luck, we hope you enjoy finding new and creative ways to help the businesses you service hide their assests. Eat the rich and shit the poor.


Now that the fun is over a good once over at all your fellow classmates, some goodbyes, some for good, and some not. Size up the competition because you have to go to work, and right now, so do a shitload of other people that are out of a job. So, look across the floor where you sit and get on your marks.

Here is what you are up against:

You have to be effing kidding?! These assholes will be running our country?

But, until then...

Celebration Bitches!!!

H. Staff