Welcome 2010...You Better Be A Step Up From 2009

Happy 2010. Wait, is that a bomb? What kind of site do I want people to think I'm running?

Well, the last time I ushered in a new decade, I got severly drunk and wound up eating at a Waffle House, only to puke it up a half hour later. It felt like effing Groundhog Day. The University of Georgia played their bowl game at 11 AM that New Year's Day. I had a horrible hangover and kept falling back asleep only to wake up and catch ESPN's replay of the game. The ENTIRE day. My headache never got better so it seemed like I was waking up for the first time each time I opened my eyes.

Not in a million years would I figure Quincy Carter to be in my Groundhog Day. I don't do blow, so...why else was he there.

This year you say? I got effing pink eye. Nice 2010, nice.

Anyhow, I decided that this year was the turning of a new leaf. People at work kept calling me an asshole and constantly saying 'mofo' to me. It got me thinking. I guess that doesn't abide well. Maybe I just have that kind of smart ass attitude that brings out the worst in people? Not that I am proud of it. Quite the opposite. Now, don't get me wrong, I love being a smart ass. I had a kid in high school tell me that everyone likes a little piece of ass, but no one likes a smart ass. He is dead now. Really, rest in peace, and I hope you saved yourself. However, my smart ass mouth really does need to be toned down.

I am what they call a "wheelman" for my job. I try to make our office run smooth answering questions for a variety of different people. In reality, I am in damage control 24/7. I have no chance to be proactive, because I rely of incompetence. What we do isn't rocket science. No, I don't work in effing Fraggle Rock either.

I'm Not Marjory, The All Knowing Trash Heap. You Assholes.

Irregardless, I shouldn't treat them like they are Fraggles either. Even if I look around and see this:

If it looks like a Fraggle. And Eats Doozer Sticks. It probably is an effing Fraggle.

I know it blows most people's minds to think that I have no compassion for others. I really do. I just delegate who gets it and who doesn't. I don't consider myself to be simple. I am very fortunate, but most people I relate to are simple. And I like that quality about me. I wish I had more of it. But seriously...

So, why don't we get to my recipe for 2010?

1) Be A Lot Nicer To the Ones Closest to Me -

i.e. Be a dipshit to the people furtherest away, so I don't have to go home to it.

2) Be A Little...A Lot More Assertive -
Get the hell outta my way. I'm heading to the top.

3) If I Want to Be Held as Important, Act Like It -
But seriously, go ask someone else that question...I don't live with you, therefore, I couldn't give a shit.

4) Give People Second Chances -
Because God knows, I beg for them all the time.

5) After That Second Chance, Cut Them Off -
Because I can buy my own damn tent to tailgate. Asswholes.

6) Take the Time to Get Into Mischief -
Because growing older sucks, might as well make it fun.

7) If I Have To, Look For a New Job -
Life is too short to work for Nazis and always, always remember to...

8) Find the Next Stepping Stone BEFORE You Jump -
Because the Unemployment line sucks.

9) Give to the Needy More -
Follow the Christian life a little better. Except for the panhandlers. They don't have souls.

10) Do Something Great. Then Run Like hell.